Heaven & Hell
by Takahashi Rei
Summary: Light fluffy moments in the land of okamas, the grand Kamabakka Kingdom. Ivankov is sure to make their stay a memorable one, even if they had to use force. ZoRo one shot.


AN: Because fuck all my ZoRo feels, that's why! and... a recent little gathering with strangers/new acquaintances that ended up somewhat like this. I had yuri moments, and god knows why but at least I was lucky enough to do it with a girl. Rated for my teeny potty-mouth... and maybe some adult suggestive themes lol It's been a long time... Hope I haven't rusted too much... and that it won't be too confusing.

Spoiler: Minor spoilers up to meeting Ivankov. Really minor unless you squint but Ivankov is already a spoiler itself xD

(Tweaked after Anonymous's first comment. AN: Thanks for letting me know. I love Robin's nature, but I guess I got carried away lol. I find her 'I don't really care' attitude a little challenging to continue the story. Hope this is better :) )

* * *

"Zere! Hah!" Iva threw down a card showing a 'King' amidst a group of pirates. The crowd behind him-her... whatever, cheered on.

"Seriously? That's the 22nd fucking time already, give us a break!" Sanji pulled his hair in frustration.

"Now now, swverly boy, zon't be zuch a zore lozer."

"You must be cheating!" Sanji accused.

"Come now Sanji, this is fun~ yohohohohoho~" Brooke laughed heartily. He was enjoying this. The lot of them were, save a few. But it was a first and in a while that they've had fun. Although Sanji begged to differ. Kamabakka Kingdom have been very welcoming of the Strawhat Pirates, as have many other islands in Grand Line that the crew had set foot and left prints on. A first being, that this is the first time that the crew were invited for a slumber party, quote Ivankov quote. Nami had rephrased it to 'midnight gathering, with food' to prevent the boys from scattering back onto Sunny to spend the night, and with food to keep Captain Luffy anchored. That would just be rude.

They ate, drank, sang and fooled around until everyone was high enough to say yes to just about everything. Then Iva brought out the cards. A duel the Strawhat Pirates thought was poker and agreed to without even asking, turned out to be a game of King and Commoners. Now...

"I hereby order number 1 and 3 zo make out! 7 minutez!" Iva commanded. The okamas around made smoochy faces to tease the pirates who now had faces of disgust. Better not be another weird combo. Zoro had to lick Sanji's ear for a full 10 seconds in the last round and he was already on the verge of puking. Usopp and Luffy were lucky to have each other and each pumelled the other until Iva said stop. The girls were lucky that their chosen punishment were less brutal. Two lovely ladies licking each others' fingers was sensual enough to make even Luffy stare in silence. Although what went on his head was a mystery.

The tension moved as one by one the Strawhats revealed their cards. A pair of green eyes watched intently as his possible partner were to reveal him or herself. Until it was his turn. Zoro groaned as he threw down his own card. Number 3. Sanji grinned mischieviously. His was number 5. The remaining few were Chopper, Franky and Robin. Zoro swore to Asura if he would ever had to kiss a moose or a cyborg he'd-

"Oh my..." Robin paused a little. The crew turned to look at her as she put down her card. Number 1. Sanji almost flipped. Different reactions ensued from the circle but Zoro could only stare at Robin, wide-eyed. Robin looked back at him, then smiled a little. "I guess I'll be in your care then, Mr. Swordsman."

It took a full second for Zoro to digest that and jump to realization and then maybe embarassment as he look away from those azure eyes.

"Now now, children let's move this to a room for some privacy." Iva laughed heartily. The crew gave a look of disappointment. Although Nami felt sorry for Robin, she still wanted to watch. Sanji disapproved strongly, calling Zoro a beast and what would happen to poor Robin if they were alone together. Though everyone already knew how capable Robin was, so she'd be fine.

Iva ushered them into a nearby empty room with the crew and group of okamas following intently. Zoro was ready to slice up all the grinning idiots, as if this wasn't already awkward enough. "Now stay in zere and zon't come out until you've done vhat you're vere supposed to~" Iva instructed, "az for safety measuresz... Strawhat boy!" Iva called. Luffy came forth up to the older two and commanded, "No cheating!" then left giving Zoro a thumbs up and a stupid grin. Zoro remembered to punch Luffy before he was locked inside the semi-dark room with Robin.

After the door closed behind them, the atmosphere only got worse. Zoro was completely out of ideas of what he was supposed to do or maybe even say to ease up the tension. Hell, he's never even dealt with girls, save Tashigi and Kuina, but those were different. "Mr. Swordsman?" Screw her and her womanly charms! He would very much like to. Wait. No.

"Huh?" Then he realized Robin was too close. He backed up instinctlively. "Don't get so close to me, woman!"

Robin looked puzzled. "You know we could just bluff our way out of this", she whispered.

Zoro frowned but looked away. "Captains orders..."

Robin could only nod and gave a sympathetic smile. Zoro was Luffy's first mate, and a man of his word at that. Robin admired his spirit, but he really is quite stubborn.

Zoro on the other hand, wanted to yell at someone in frustration. How could this woman be so calm? Or maybe it was that, the age thing. Robin was older... Much older... Although his maths fail him but at least that he knew.

"J-just so you know..." Robin watched him silently as he stuttered. She had never seen the swordsman this flushed. She held back a chuckle. "I- I'm a man, so I'll definitely take responsibility for this..."

Robin almost laughed. Almost. "How?" A pause followed.

"When we conquer Grand Line..." Zoro started, "after our dreams come true... we'll start a family.. and..."

Robin couldn't take it anymore. Slight laughter escaped her lips and Zoro's serious expression turned into one of utter embarassment. Zoro was ready to growl in defense until Robin put a finger to his lips. "Could this be a proposal, Mr. Swordsman?" She smiled, a slight glint in her eyes.

Zoro relaxed a bit, still flushed. "If it was you..."

Robin smiled. "Then first things first..." She draped her arms over his shoulder as Zoro's hands moved shakily to her waist.

And one comment led to another.

* * *

Outside, Ivankov looked at his/her pocket watch as it timed itself. "Zalright, 7minutez are up!"

Okama and crew stood behind Iva as he/she got ready to open the door. The soundproof door made eavesdropping impossible so Sanji was about to burst it open until Iva opened the door. The unfolding scene appeared to be a rather heated one, albeit with less passion, but still passion. Twisted passion, maybe. A rather irked Robin and a Zoro on fire.

"No way, woman!"

"And you think yours is any better?"

"Of course it's better! What kind of crappy name is Adam and Eve?"

"You have no sentimentality. Those are the names of the pioneer human beings ever to walk the earth, if you may."

"It's my family so they have to have Japanese names!"

"I'm not going to name my child Bushi. What kind of name is that?"

"It means he's born a warrior, that's what!"

"You're too much of a simpleton."

"You just think too much!"

"And you could use some brain power."

"Why you..."

"What is this...?" Nami twitched. And here she thought she would maybe have to help Robin disinfect if she'd wanted, but of all things, a lovers' spat.

"Marimo! How could you scream at a lady?!" Sanji jumped from behind of Ivankov only to have the couple growl at him.

"Stay out of this!"

Sanji retreated, and the rest stared on. But it was apparent, things worked out well. Iva smiled in content as he/she watched the two yell at each other, all the while Zoro held onto Robin's hand, fingers interlocking, and Robin didn't seem to mind. Their fight was almost heartwarming.

"Alright children, nothing to see here, move along." Iva ushered the crowd away as he/she closed the door behind him/her. That is one pair down. Guess it's time to move onto the either. Iva smiled, with a mischievious little glint, he/she ushered everyone back into the grand bedroom and make a point to Strawhat that should those two ever get hitched, he/she was to minister his/her masterpiece.

FIN

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Cheesy, I know, but I just love these two together, hoho!

Let me know what you think? Thanks for reading x)


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